Low self-worth, that consistent belief that you’re not quite good enough, can have far-reaching consequences in how your life plays out. It can affect the type of partner you choose to be with, the job you decide to accept and it can also determine how much space you feel worthy of taking up in your world. A frail sense of self-worth often consists of many limiting beliefs that may have been lurking within you for many years, maybe even since childhood. I liken it to the silent running of a piece of internal software, humming in the background of your life yet colours most of the decisions that you make on a day to day basis.
Low self-worth matters. It can affect how lovable and attractive you feel. Whether you have the right to speak up, be treated fairly or be included.
Relationships can suffer
The thing about low self-worth, or not feeling good enough, is that it is sometimes invisible – even to yourself. Your internal bar may be set so low that you’re not aware that you are settling for WAY less than you’re worth and nowhere does this play out clearer or more painfully than in your personal relationships. Clear signs can be normalising avoidant or even excluding behaviour from friends or family. Or you make excuses for everyone when in actual fact they show you quite clearly how much (or little) they value you.
Or how about settling for less-than-trustworthy romantic behaviour simply because you’re grateful to have someone by your side no matter what? Providing that stable, caring and loyal presence in other people’s lives yet do not expect any of those qualities back in return. Trust me that this is more common than you think, you are not alone.
If you’re going through life feeling you’re not quite enough, that you don’t measure up and that you compare yourself (unfavourably) with others then LISTEN UP!
The joy of being yourself
Here is an important point, low self-worth is not about a character flaw or a defective personality, far from it. Chances are that you picked up a narrative early on in your life, perhaps someone else’s narrative that demonstrated to you that other people are more important, that you are not attractive enough or you may have overheard a thoughtless comment confirming that you’re not worthy of love or that others simply do things better.
But the biggest gift you can give yourself as an adult is to set yourself free from expectations (your own and others) of what you’re supposed to do and the first step is self-acceptance. The realisation that you’re unique, there is no one like you and it is that which sets you apart. It is your own vulnerable, special sauce that provides the magic. And all your little idiosyncrasies, your wounds, your silliness and flaws are there to be included, loved and enjoyed – they are worthy of love and respect.
Give yourself a break
You may have spent a whole lifetime being hard on yourself, so remember that you’re doing the best you can with the tools you have right now. The more you learn, the better at it you get. Life is essentially a journey of self-discovery, coupled with giving yourself the permission to be unapologetically honest about what you want and how you want to feel. The goal is to enjoy each day as much as you can and listen to your intuition that always speaks to you.
Don’t settle for okay, raise the bar and accept that you too have the right to feel really really good and that you like and love yourself enough to walk away from behaviour that shows you’re neither valued nor important. Learning an unfamiliar script takes time especially if you’ve never read it before. Take your time, set higher standards and notice the freedom. You’ve got this 💕