When you find yourself in a bad place in life, feeling stressed, unhappy and worried about the future, it is very easy to put the blame onto other people or external circumstances.
‘It’s my job – I hate it but I need the money and don’t want to rock the boat, I’m too old to change.’
‘It’s my husband – he doesn’t understand/treat me like other husbands do. Why doesn’t he value me?’
‘I blame my parents, they always fed me biscuits and fatty foods and now I hate looking at myself in the mirror.’
‘My parent didn’t pay me enough attention, always busy doing their own thing and I felt neglected and lonely. Now I always feel tense when I am around them and I really don’t want to see them.’
This sort of thinking leads you nowhere fast and makes you feel like a victim no matter how real your circumstances may feel. Sadly, thinking about our problems is a national past time and because everyone does it we tend to normalise it.
But focusing on problems is not going to make them go away – quite the opposite. We now know, through MRI scans of the brain, that what we focus on expands. Neurons that wire together, fire together. The only thing that works when it comes to solving a problem is to find a new solution. And when it comes to solutions for YOUR life, no one is a better expert on it than YOU.
What do I mean by new solutions? Well, it means thinking about what life would be like if you didn’t have your problems. What would be different? How would you feel? What would you do that you are not currently doing? By taking the examples from above we can start to take a problem and start working on a solution that WE are in charge of without blaming the external world. Remember, change is an inside job.What would your life be like if you liked your job? What aspects of your job would have to change for that to happen?. What would have to change in you for that to happen?
What would your life be like if you felt happy in your relationship? What would be different? What could YOU do to make this a reality? What works and when? Can you do more of that?
What would life be like if you had your desired weightloss? Could YOU be the person who change your eating habits to start a healthier way of living? What would you do? When could you start and how?
What would life be like if you had a meaningful relationship with your parents? How would your life be different? What could you do to make this a reality today? When could you start?
Knowing what our desired outcome is in any situation can really focus the mind which then helps us to decide on an action plan of how to get there. It all starts with small, practical steps.
So why not use the present moment to focus on what a good life look like to YOU. How you would want to feel, act and behave and what difference that would make to your life, then start building a roadmap there this very instant.
Yesterday is gone and tomorrow has not yet happened. The power is in the present and your thoughts right now are in your control. How wonderfully liberating…